pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
