Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
