It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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