Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
