Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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