are you so shy because you have an std?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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