You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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