when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
