Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
