Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
