you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
