I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
