I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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