Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
