Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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