her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
