I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No more Irish car bombs ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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