But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
