I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Enjoy the penises
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
