Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
