he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
3pm strippers are depressing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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