Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
