i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
