They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sobbing to NWA
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
