You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
