He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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