this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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