I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
