My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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