I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
