Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
