I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
