Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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