There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
