U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
