Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sarcasm needs its own font
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
