Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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