what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
