How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
