yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
