Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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