im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
