shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
