Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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