I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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