If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
