dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
