are you still at the devil's house?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
