he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
