ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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