dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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