I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
