I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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